Exam results decompress: How to deal with disappointing grades at high school
If your teen hasn’t got the exam results they were hoping for I want to provide a bit of comfort and hope, because these results are just one set of out of many your teen will receive over the years, so o it’s really important that we don’t lose our cool and dive into the depths of despair.
The truth about good grades
I’ll let you in on a little secret. Your teen does NOT need straight A’s to succeed in life. Nor do they need straight A’s to get into a good university. That’s just not how the world works.
I used to send out an email course called “Straight A’s”, but I changed it a few years ago because I didn’t want to propagate the idea that getting straight A’s is all that matters.
A personal story
My husband was Dux of his high school. Did he get straight A’s at high school? He did not. Did he get straight A’s at med school? He did not. But he was consistent. His grades were consistently good to very good, because he knew how to study and worked hard. Perfect grades every time aren’t necessary and aren’t realistic, even for a ‘top’ student.
Life is all about ups and downs (yup thanks for the cliché – hang on let me finish) and high school is especially tumultuous! Your teen might be feeling a lot of pressure to do well at high school, but having set backs is par for the course. The truth is that everyone gets grades they are disappointed about. It’s normal. Even the Dux or Valedictorian of your teen’s school won’t have a perfect exam transcript.
Focus on the big picture
It’s counterproductive to be striving for straight A’s. This will likely set an expectation that most teens won’t reach, and so only cause stress and disappointment. The key is to focus on the big picture instead.
What we’re striving for is a consistent improvement in your teen’s grades based on their individual ability and goals. Yes exam grades are important, but developing an obsession and having a singular focus on grades is not the approach I would recommend.
If your teen has received a grade they’re disappointed about that can actually be a helpful learning opportunity. Where did they go wrong? How can they improve for next time? Take the grade as constructive criticism and your teen can use it to their advantage.
Thanks so much for reading.
Clare
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